“Hi! I’m Angel!” In my daily work routine, these are words that would never come out of my mouth. Working at a top financial institute in London, the atmosphere is one of pressure and intimidation. When starting to play the role of Angel in RENT, I had to consider the difference between my work-life and private-life.
When I was younger (15 years old, to be exact), I was the only openly gay and pretty camp schoolboy in class—much like Kurt on the tv show Glee. On the good side, I was getting some sweet (but fake) attention from a few confused young schoolmates, who treated me like a princess while practicing their attention skills. Unfortunately, it also came with the consequences of being constantly bullied and stereotyped by most of the school. Being humiliated and laughed at on a daily basis were definitely not memories I wanted to have. The worst memory I have occurred during an inter-school competition, where it turned out I was being targeted by my own teammates, who planned to humiliate me on stage with my sexuality and feministic behaviour. I felt hit hard by this, and then decided not to trust anyone, and to try to hide my sexuality as much as possible.
Since that time, I have been trained and influenced by my mentors and families. In the business world, life is all about being tough and climbing the ladder of wealth to success—being logical and systematic are the two things that should come first. After a few years, I’ve hidden that sweet and soft ‘Angel’ from my younger self behind, burying it deep in my soul.
I’m very grateful for what I’ve achieved since that choir competition, but could always feel that a part of me is missing. This feeling of loss led me to travel half the globe, moving to London to seek what I had lost. And while I feel satisfied career-wise, spiritually, I am still lost.
It’s been while exploring the role and story behind the character of Angel that I’ve realized that I’ve been missing not only kindness and a giving heart, but also the fun “Bohemian” attitude. I could feel that these feelings have been imprisoned in my soul for years, leading me to forget about them. But through each passing rehearsal, these feelings are growing stronger, and I feel like I am refreshed and re-born. Despite feeling tired and exhausted from work, I have a smile after every rehearsal!
Now, the torn part for me is finding how to balance these feelings, and it’s like being at school all over again. The financial world is about money and selling, and is not the place for a camp, soft, angelic attitude. My heart is singing all the lovely songs from the show, but my head is telling me to keep this to a minimum.
What the hell am I getting into?!
Rent City Academy 